wat bout pragnant strippers??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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