the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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