Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
