bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
