Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
