He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Alive.
So much puke
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
