i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
