I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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