I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize