so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
MIDGETS
????
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
