The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
