My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
