i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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