Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
