I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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