I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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