She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
