so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
