I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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