Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
