Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sober January is a disaster.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
