Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
