I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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