You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
