sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
