So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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