my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
