I didn't shave. On purpose
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
