I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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