We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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