I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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