awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
