I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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