i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
