hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
