Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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