Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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