So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
