i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
