At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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