She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
