please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They have beer where we have blood.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize