just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize