A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've blown a few things in my day
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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