A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
