Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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