Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
