Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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