she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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