So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
