Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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