If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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