I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Randomize
