I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
