I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
