My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
