she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
