I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
