So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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