I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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