insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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