when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
