she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
