If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
