How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
