I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
