I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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