just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
